Ever organised an event and nobody showed up? Thrown a party and seen your guest list shrink at the last minute? Sat down for a romantic dinner whilst your loved one worked late?
These kinds of set-backs happen all the time. We put ourselves out there, whether it’s: organising a school reunion five or ten years down the line, hiring out an expensive venue for our birthday or spending hours cooking up a treat for our partner – just to feel disappointed, upset and rejected when things don’t go to plan. By plucking up courage and taking risks, we can experience a whole lotta nasty feelings from our vulnerability and over exposure. We can feel let down, insignificant and plain old ‘not good enough.’
And so the nerve racking build-up to an event, the time-consuming preparation and the exciting anticipation can seem like the biggest waste of time ever.
A reason to stop taking risks? To run for cover and hide? Cancel the party? Throw the linguini in the bin?
NO! A big WHOPPING NO!
And this is why…
Our self-worth, our strength, our confidence and our pleasure should not be dependant on results, on outcomes or on anybody.
If nobody turns up to our event, we’re still great! If we only have a few friends at our party, we’re still Miss Fantastic! If our partner chooses to opt out of date night, they’re the one missing out! BIG STYLE.
In any situation, we need to be able to tap into these top qualities we have in us. We need to be able to feel strong, powerful, beautiful and worthy.
We don’t need to be victims to a situation or a receiver of what ‘life throws at us’. We can choose to turn any event around and view it in a new light. We can choose celebration over disappointment.
Because we are the ones who need to own our brilliance. See ourselves as the amazing and fabulous people that we are.
Just because not many people or nobody turns up to what we’re putting out there DOES NOT MEAN that something is wrong with what we’re doing, or more importantly wrong with us. Sure, we may want to tweak a few things, be it: our guest lists, our choice of venues, our communication or our marketing skills BUT what we don’t need to think is that we need to change or hide from ourselves.
Let me repeat, WE DO NOT NEED TO CHANGE. We are fabulous as we are. – We just gotta see this.
So, yes it can be terrifying to do or say something when the stakes are high and we’re unsure of how another person or a group will respond. But this is no reason not to take risks, to hold back and compromise our self-worth.
I don’t believe that any good can come from us playing small, running for cover or not owning our brilliance. Such temporary comfort can really start to bite over time.
What we need then is to learn how to be prepared for any event. And in fact, dazzle fully in it.
Disappointment to celebration
So, here’s my story from today. Read here how I turned my first yoga class No-Show into the Best Show.
Tuesday arrived. The day of my first yoga class in a new city. Whoopee! The venue had been hired. Flyers were out. The message was spread. I spent all morning getting ready for the class, both physically and mentally. I meditated, twice! I printed health questionnaires, rolled mats, put CDs in place. I called the venue to go over the nitty-gritty. I spent time making myself look pretty, putting on nice make-up, lying out my best yoga gear and doing my hair. I was all good to go.
So after getting to the space, laying out my forms and taking a last few deep breaths, the worst hit me – no-one was coming.Â I gave it five or ten minutes before confirming this. Of course, I hadn’t known how many people (if any at all) would turn up. That’s just the nature of a drop-in yoga class starting out – no certainty attached.
BUT I had so hoped that people would come, that at least one person would show! Immediately, I was disappointed. And whilst I was allowing myself to feel my emotions, I soon saw that I was faced with an important decision. And this decision would impact not only the next few minutes or hour’s class, but the rest of my day and probably week.
Would I roll up my mat and walk away not feeling good enough, or would I stay put and create a different story?
You’re gonna love what I chose!
In those few moments, I appreciated that the choice was mine. I got to decide how I’d feel from having no-one come to my class. And so I grabbed hold of my strength and chose to see the situation in a new light. An empty room, yes. Wasted money, perhaps. But what it wasn’t going to be was a dent in my confidence.
You see, I got a lot from the class today. Because in those first few minutes of nobody walking through the door, I re-examined my thought that NOBODY had turned up and realised that even this wasn’t true. Somebody had turned up – ME. I had turned up and who was I to not give my best class to me? And throw this opportunity away?
So I chose to stay. To recognise the beauty of what was. Staying present with reality as it had showed itself.
And for the whole hours class, on a sunny Tuesday afternoon in a lovely space, I celebrated me. I lay down on my mat in Savasana and I honoured my fabulousness for making this class happen, my courage for showing up and my self for all that it was in that moment.
It was truly magical. I saw my pre-nerves melt away, my anxiety fade into the distance and my disappointment vanish. I had the sunshine beaming in at me, filling me with warmth and glow. Wah! Savasana permeated the space right up to the high ceiling. With the wooden floor supporting me, I felt at peace and ease with myself.
It didnâ€™t matter that nobody else had come to class, because I got to fully appreciate me, my journey to that space and all that I had achieved in being there. Ahhh.
What I want for you to take from this is that we are in ourselves worthy human beings. We have a choice to recognise this and dance our song or hide ourselves away and not appreciate our worth. We can choose to strengthen our self-esteem and our power. We can give ourselves unconditional self-love OR we can pretend that we’re not worth these things.
The story of every moment really is up to you.
So, next time no-one shows up, be it: on your birthday, for your special event, your party, your dinner invite, your reunion â€“ remember to show up yourself, in your best outfit, with your biggest smile and with a sense of pride, knowing that you did good, you deserve to enjoy yourself and dazzle!
In everything we do, we are there, in the moment. We always show up. Make us count too.
Ok, so I’ll leave you now to go out, take risks and feel fabulous – no matter the outcome. You can rest assured I’ll be doing it too!
If youâ€™ve been inspired and have decided to step up and celebrate you, Iâ€™d love to hear from you! Why donâ€™t you send me a message below.
Me, I’m off now to read up on how I can fill my class for next week. Because whilst I was happy celebrating me today, I’ve love to share the celebration with you next time! Thankfully I know of an excellent blog on the subject, written by the inspirational coach Corrina Gordon-Barnes: Filling All Your Places: How To Sell Out Your Service. – this is where Iâ€™m headed nowâ€¦
If you’ve decided you want to join me in class, fantastic! Find details of my group classes here. I look forward to seeing you!